Burns Night Assembly
Cast of 30
Duration: Around 15 - 20 minutes (depending on number of music suggestions included). The assembly could be further extended by the addition of some of the poems of Robbie Burns.
Who would not want to come to this party? Well, if you're not keen on bagpipes, it could be a problem! But the guest list is pretty unbeatable - with the likes of St Andrew, William Wallace, Mary Queen of Scots, James VI, Robert the Bruce, Walter Scott plus fellow writers, Alexander Bell plus fellow scientists, John McAdam plus fellow engineers, some sportsmen, politicians (fraid so!), that oh so enthusiastic chef (no prizes for guessing what he's served up!), Nessie (of course!) and not forgetting - that guy with the bagpipes .... oh and Robbie Burns!!
Please note: there is some duplication of content and characters in this script and the St. Andrews Assembly.
Narrator: Good morning and welcome to our assembly on
(Enter bagpipes player with accompanying loud bagpipes music)
(Whole cast clutch their ears)
(Narrator marches over to bagpipes player and taps him firmly on the shoulder, to stop)
Narrator: (Shouting over the music) Excuse me!
(Bagpipes player stops abruptly, glaring at narrator)
Bagpipes player: (Angrily with pronounced Scottish accent) And what do ya think you’d be doing, man, stopping me and my music here?
Narrator: Well, I ..
Bagpipes player: It’d better be good! Whatever your reason ..
Narrator: Well, I’m trying to conduct
Bagpipes player: Oh there’s no need for that! I can play perfectly well, without there being a conductor around
Narrator: (In exasperation) No! No! What I was trying to say
Bagpipes player: Well, spit it out, man! We haven’t got all day!
Narrator: (Testily) I’m well aware of that! I’m trying to do an assembly here on Robbie Burns!
(Enter Robbie Burns, bowing and met with loud applause from the audience, as directed by the narrator)
Narrator: Ah! The man himself!
(To Robbie Burns) Robbie Burns, am I right?
Robbie Burns: You are indeed. A pleasure to join you today!
Bagpipes player: (Spluttering) Robbie Burns? No! It can’t be! Well, now – I should certainly hold the peace for this one!
(Exit bagpipes player)
Narrator: Robbie Burns, indeed! Welcome! And who better to invite along to our celebration of Burns Night?
(Enter St. Andrew)
St. Andrew: (Huffily) I might have known! As if we need more than one special day in the year!
Narrator: Oh dear. And you would be St. Andrew, correct?
St. Andrew: Correct. A saint, please note. Far more fitting to have a day’s celebration around me than this here poet!
William Wallace: Too right! And what about the rest of us great Scots?
(Rest of the cast stand up and cheer before sitting down again)
Narrator: Oh dear! Well, for the sake of peace and harmony I suppose we’d better meet you all!
(To cast) Go ahead. Please stand and introduce yourselves.
(Each stand to deliver their lines before sitting down, followed by the next ‘Great Scot’)
William Wallace: I’m the great
Robbie Burns: (Interrupting) In your humble opinion!
Narrator: (To Robbie Burns) Let him finish!
William Wallace: (Snorting) Huh! As I was saying, I am the great William Wallace!
Robbie Burns: William who? Never heard of ya!
(William Wallace jumps out of his seat, and strides towards Robbie Burns, brandishing a sword)
William Wallace: Why you …
(Narrator intervenes rapidly, calming Wallace and standing between the two)
Narrator: Gentlemen! Gentlemen! We’ll have no blood spilt here today! There was more than enough of that back in your day, Mr Wallace, wasn’t there?
William Wallace: Oh indeed! Those battles I fought in that First War of Scottish Independence! Violent times then in the thirteenth century!
Robbie Burns: Oh really? And there I was thinking it was around 1995!
(Enter Mary Queen of Scots)
Mary Queen of Scots: Well, I have to say, that Mel Gibson was just a wee bit more handsome than you, in that 1995 movie Braveheart!
(Both William Wallace and Robbie Burns bow)
Robbie Burns: Our lady, Mary Queen of Scots!
(Narrator consults his notes)
Narrator: Goodness! We are rather jumping around in time! But (bowing) delighted you could join us today, your majesty!
Mary Queen of Scots: Oh, don’t mention it! But don’t go forgetting my darling son!
(Enter James VI)
James VI: James the sixth of Scotland
(Enter Robert Bruce)
Robert Bruce: (Shouting angrily) And James the first of England! What were you thinking, man? After all we fought for?
Narrator: Ah! Robert Bruce!
William Wallace: Another brave warrior!
Robert Bruce: And king of the Scots!
Robbie Burns: (To William Wallace) Not like you, a lowly knight! And speaking of which
(To Narrator) Isn’t it about time we returned to Burn’s Night?
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