Celebrating Great Britain:
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Assembly/Class Play on Great Britain
Assembly/Class Play on England
Assembly/Class Play on Scotland
Assembly/Class Play on Wales
This set of plays on Great Britain, England, Scotland and Wales was written with the intention of boosting our children’s awareness of their amazing country and culture.
Special discount price - 4 scripts for the price of 3
Each script tries to catch the essence of being - British, English, Scottish and Welsh - covering history and culture, through those best qualified to represent their nations.
Great Britain Assembly
This is an assembly written in celebration of Great Britain as a country - its culture and its people. It combines coverage of serious achievements, past and present, with a humourous look at our heritage. Narrated by Queen Elizabeth I (with a little help from her number II, 4 centuries on!) this play aims to present as comprehensive a picture as possible of what it is to be British - quirks and all! I have included mention of at least 35 Great Britons - I would like to have included many more but that would have doubled the length of the play(approximate running time 20 - 30 mins); and tried to capture just a little of our national character.
Elizabeth 1: I take it back! Who are this rowdy lot?
Shakespeare: It's something called Football, m'lady. A strange national pastime, and for some, total obsession! Who would have thought kicking a ball around a rectangular strip of grass could inspire such passion!
Drake: Far livelier than bowls, that's for sure!
Shakespeare: And there's no way a game of football could be interrupted..
Elizabeth I: (Incredulously) Not even if your country was being invaded?
(Referee chasing two footballers, blowing his whistle)
Shakespeare: Probably not! Nobody would dare to stand in the path of:
(Each fan steps forward, waving team scarf)
Man. Utd fan: Manchester United!
Chelsea fan: Chelsea!
(Another referee runs past, chasing two rugby players)
Elizabeth I: Hey! Wait a minute! The ball changed shape!
Shakespeare: That's because they're playing rugby, m'lady!
Elizabeth I: Rugby?
Drake: Another popular sport. Though let's not forget ...
(Cricketer, clad in ‘whites' steps forward, only to be jostled by the rugby players, running past again)
Cricketer: (Indignantly) Hey, I say!
Rugby player: Get outta the way!
Cricketer: (Exploding) Well, of all the .... That's simply not cricket!
(Exit Cricketer and rugby players)
(Tennis player in ‘whites' steps forward, brandishing tennis racket)
Tennis player: Anyone for tennis?
(Next lines delivered in the finest ‘upper class' accents)
(Two ‘rowers' row past, with fans carrying ‘University of Cambridge' and ‘University of Oxford' banners)
(Rower 1 accidentally knocks Rower 2 on the head with his oar)
Rower 1: Sorry, old chap! Far too busy trying to win this confounded race!
Rower 2: Steady on, old chap! There's a way to go yet!
Cambridge fan: Come on, Cambridge!
Oxford fan: Come on, Oxford!
(Exit rowers and fans)
Elizabeth I: Good show, lads!
Shakespeare: Tally ho! I say, isn't this just splendid fun!
Drake: Absolutely spiffing, old fellow!
Elizabeth I: How about some nice cucumber sandwiches, and a super cup of tea?
(Waiter, with pot of tea and sandwiches appears)
Shakespeare: Ah! Bob's your uncle, right on queue! Tally ho!
(Enter Artful Dodger)
Artful Dodger: OK, boys ‘n' girls! Quick reality check! Anyone listening to you lot would think us Brits were all posh and upper class!
Elizabeth I: (Sniffily) Personally, I see nothing wrong with that! But who on earth are you?
Artful Dodger: Me? I go by the name of Artful Dodger. I worked for a group of pick pockets, in Victorian London
(Enter Charles Dickens)
Dickens: Brought into existence by me, Charles Dickens, in my book Oliver Twist.
Shakespeare: Ah! A fellow writer! What else did you write?
Dickens: Well, let me see. There was David Copperfield, A Christmas Carol, Great Expectations, Nicholas Nickleby ...
(Exit Dickens and Artful Dodger)
(Other writers, waiting at the side)
Shakespeare: And let's meet some other fine writers.
(Each step forward in turn, with accompanying ‘characters', announce themselves and then sit down again)
Shakespeare: And you are?
Stevenson: Robert Louis Stevenson. Most famous for Treasure lsland,
(Parrot, on his shoulder, shrieks "Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight!)
Kidnapped and The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Shakespeare: And you?
Carroll: Lewis Carroll. Most famous for
(Parade of characters walk past, shouting): Alice in Wonderland!
Assembly on England
What on earth could the queen of England, our narrator alias Beefeater/guard of the Tower of London and the Artful Dodger have in common? Read on to find out what 'Twist' turns the Artful Dodger into Sir Artful Dodger!
Cast size: 25 but easily adjusted up or down (as explained in Production Notes)
Duration: Around 20 minutes (depending on how much music is used)
The focus of this play is London. Time constraints (i.e. length of performance) meant I just touched on England's history - events and people. I have addressed this 'shortfall' in the collection of guided reading script that will shortly be added, as a complementary resource to this assembly. I will also be writing additional assemblies/class plays on England and its heritage.
(Enter Sir Winston Churchill, smoking a pipe)
Narrator: Ah, Sir Winston Churchill! Thank goodness. You pulled us through that Second World War - can you help me deal with this group of .. of ... super-women?
Sir Winston Churchill: What? This lot? Leave it to me!
Music 5 Who Do you Think You Are - Spice Girls
(Spice Girls sing and make threatening gestures toward Sir Winston Churchill, who cowers and runs off stage)
Narrator: (Aside) Hmm. Time for a different kind of ‘Help!" (Turning to Spice Girls) Hey girls, here come the Beatles!
Spice Girls: (Together) Beetles? Did someone say, beetles?
(All Spice Girls scream and run off stage)
Music 6 Help - Beatles
(Beatles stride on, singing Help!)
Narrator: OK! That's probably as much help as I need! Thank you, boys!
Beatles: (Together) No probs!
Narrator: So. Enough of this frivolity! Back to the serious stuff! Take my job at the Tower, for example
(Queen Elizabeth runs back onto stage, in state of total panic)
Narrator: Your Majesty! Whatever is the matter? Don't tell me you spilt your tea?
Queen Eliz: (Gasping) Haven't you heard?
Music 7 London Bridge is Falling Down
(Cast sings first verse)
Narrator: But that was around one thousand years ago, Your Majesty! It has been rebuilt several times since then!
Queen Eliz: No! No! It's not that I'm worried about!
Narrator: Oh no! Don't tell me the Thames Barrier has failed?
Queen Eliz: What? The world's largest movable flood barrier? Of course not!
Narrator: So. Has Buckingham Palace been burgled?
Music 8 They're Changing Guards At Buckingham Palace
(Cast sings first verse, as two guards in uniform march up and down)
Queen Eliz: What? With my fine guards to keep us safe? I don't think so!
Narrator: (Gasping) Don't tell me St. Paul's Cathedral has burnt to the ground again?
Queen Eliz: (Sighing in exasperation) No. Our fire service has improved a little since that Great Fire of London!
Music 9 Time Pink Floyd (Chimes at beginning of track)
Narrator: (Gasping) Don't tell me Big Ben has got the time wrong?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Gasping) Don't tell me the Houses of Parliament have got blown up?
Queen Eliz: No! It's nowhere near November 5th!
Music 10 Money Pink Floyd (Just opening excerpt)
Narrator: (Gasping) Don't tell me the Bank of England has run out of money?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Gasping) ....that the Royal Opera House has run out of singers?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Gasping) ....that the London Eye has stopped turning?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Gasping) ....that Madame Tussauds has come to life?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Gasping) ....that Doctor Who has lost his TARDIS?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Gasping) ....that Jamie Oliver has burnt ... a school dinner?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Throwing hands up in frustration) So, what does that leave us with? Got it! Nelson has fallen off his column?
Queen Eliz: Of course not! Though Trafalgar Square certainly wouldn't miss a few flattened pigeons!
Narrator: (With irritation) I give up, then!
Queen Eliz: Oh, don't do that. Not when you're getting warmer! Back to those pigeons ...
Queen Eliz: Yes. Think large black crows ....
Narrator: You're not serious! (Gasping and then gasping again) Please don't say it's my Ravens?
Queen Eliz: I'm afraid so! They've disappeared! Now do see why I'm so upset?
Narrator: Well, of course, Your Majesty. If the Ravens leave, then the Tower falls down
Queen Eliz: And so does the monarchy!
(Narrator and Queen Elizabeth both sit, holding their heads)
Narrator & Queen Eliz: (Together) We're doomed! Doomed!
(Enter Artful Dodger)
Artful Dodger: Hey! What's going on here? I don't remember picking your pockets!
Narrator: Oh, it's far worse than that!
Artful Dodger: What? Has Eastenders ended?
Narrator: (In irritation) No!
Artful Dodger: Has Wimbledon been cancelled?
Queen Eliz: No!
Artful Dodger: (Gasping suddenly) Oh no! Don't tell me we're getting a summer this year?
Narrator & Queen Eliz: (Together, in bewilderment) What?
Artful Dodger: No rain, no coats, no pockets! What am I supposed to pick?
1. There'll Always Be an England - sung by Dame Vera Lynn
2. God Save the Queen - National Anthem
3. Land of Hope and Glory
4. Wannabe - Spice Girls
5. Who do you think you are? - Spice Girls
6. Help! - Beatles
7. London Bridge is Falling Down
8. They're Changing Guards at Buckingham Palace
9. Time - Pink Floyd (Dark Side of the Moon)
10. Money - Pink Floyd (Dark Side of the Moon)
11. Feed the Birds - from Mary Poppins
Assembly on Scotland
This assembly celebrates St. Andrew's Day and everything that is great and wonderful about Scotland.
St. Andrew: The shame of it! And he hadn’t even got to the most important bit of the assembly – me! So, let’s fill you in a bit. I have been patron saint of Scotland since the middle of the 10th century, though, being a disciple of Jesus, I obviously died a long time before that! I used to spend many happy hours fishing
(Picks up fishing rod)
Like so ..
(Casts a line, caught by Nessie who reappears, reeled in by the unsuspecting St. Andrew)
Ooh! I think I’ve got a whopper! Its …
Nessie: Me! Your friendly Loch Ness Monster!
(St. Andrew drops his rod in shock, and runs off stage, screaming)
Narrator: What’s going on? Who’s disrupting my assembly? … Oh!
Not you again!
Nessie: Well, someone had to step in! That old …
Narrator: (Interrupting) Careful! A little respect! That’s Saint Andrew you’re talking about!
Nessie: Well, it was a blessed saint that gave me such a bad reputation in the first place! Around fifteen hundred years ago, to be precise. One Saint Columba spread the word – totally fictitious of course! – that if he hadn’t been around to frighten me off, I’d have had a swimmer for my supper! No substance to that story …
Narrator: Or perhaps to any other concerning your existence! Now, be off with you!
Narrator: Back to reality! Next!
Child 12: Scotland has produced some of the greatest writers ever!
Child 13: Walter Scott, Robert Louis Stevenson, Arthur Conan Doyle,
Child 14: J. Barrie – forever young at heart with his great creation – Peter Pan!
Child 15: And what about Kenneth Graham who wrote the amazing “Wind in the Willows”?
Narrator: Ah! So much literary talent! But let’s not forget the scientists!
Child 16: The great Alexander Bell – inventor of the telephone.
Child 17: Another Alexander – Alexander Fleming! What a miracle it was – that first antibiotic, Penicillin!
Child 18: And Joseph Lister – the surgeon behind the first use of antiseptics!
Child 19: And Patrick Manson who showed that mosquitoes carry Malaria.
Narrator: And the engineers?
Child 20: John McAdam – thank you for our smooth roads - and tarmac!
Assembly on Wales
An Assembly for March 1st - St. David's Day - on Wales, and who do we have waiting in the wings?
Shirley Bassey - a class act
Tom Jones (shame about the shirt)
Badfinger - vying for position with Goldfinger
The Welsh Rugby Team
plus 007, Laura Ashley models, Sound of Music nuns
And if we're talking unlikely inclusions ... Ying Tong Song?!
Yet again our hapless Narrator manages, against all the odds, to hold it together - those Tommy Cooper jokes certainly help! Oh, and then there's St. David, too, of course ...!
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Child 19: ‘Old proverbs are the children of truth'.
Narrator: And those children occasionally need a little discipline
(Pulls out a rod and flexes it) ‘Better the rod that bends than the one that breaks.'
(Children all recoil, gasping in horror)
Narrator: Now! Let's proceed! (Holding up book Under Milk Wood) Some more great Welsh culture, please!
Music 2 The Ying Tong Song - Goons
(Whole cast participating, Narrator looking on in bewilderment and despair)
Narrator: Cut! What is going on? What has this to do with Welsh culture?
Child 20: Have you never listened to The Goon Show? With our great Sir Harry Secombe as Neddie Seagoon?
Narrator: And that's culture?
Child 20: As good as it gets!
Narrator: Next! Something or somebody a bit ‘classy' I hope
Music 3 Goldfinger - Shirley Bassey
(Shirley Bassey ‘lookalike' performs part of this song)
Narrator: Wow! You can't get much classier than Dame (bowing) Shirley Bassey! Thank you for bringing your very special touch of glamour to this show! Now, how can we follow that?
Music 4 No Matter What You Are - Badfinger
(Band of four - ‘Badfinger' - perform on stage)
Narrator: And you are?
Band: (Together) Badfinger!
Narrator: Hmm. I'm thinking, Goldfinger had a little more class! (Snorting) Music from the 60's! What is this assembly coming to?