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A Midsummer Night's Dream - make that .... nightmare! This alternative version of Midsummer Night's Dream runs at approximately 50 minutes, has a cast of 25, and a 'wicked' choice of music! This is the third in a series of scripts written by playwright Sue Russell - the first was for a small summer camp group (of 10), the second for an expanded cast (of 17), and this third for a cast of 25. Suitable for children and adults alike - let's hope your director has an easier time of it than mine (alias long suffering teacher!)
Theseus: Are you referring to our night's entertainment, my dear?
Hippolyta: If you can call it that! From what I've heard ..
Theseus: (Interrupting) Ah, never judge a book by its cover!
Teacher: (Raising his copy of Midsummer Night's Dream, above the covers) Indeed. You can say that again! Still, nothing's going to spoil anything tonight. Just as long as I stay awake to the end!
(Bottom, bouncing onto the stage)
Bottom: And we'll sure make sure that there's no falling asleep during our amazing performance!
(Joined by Quince, Flute, Snout, Starveling and Snug)
Bottom: Or should I say, my amazing performance!
Quince: Now, now, Bottom! Remember what I said to you about team spirit!
Bottom: (Tutting) Makes it sound more like a game of soccer! I prefer to think of myself as following in the footsteps of Brad Pitt, rather than David Beckham!
Lysander: (Laughing) I'm sure either gentleman would be equally honored - to know who was following him!
Demetrius: Of course! (Pointing at Bottom) What a fine figure of a man!
Hermia: (Crossing her brow with her hand) I grow weak, just looking at him!
Helena: (Pretending to faint) Such a man! Such a vision of ....
Theseus: (Impatiently) Yes, yes. Could we leave the amateur dramatics to these 6 players please?
Hippolyta: (Groaning) Something tells me, this is going to be one long night!
Teacher: (Coughing) Er, I hate to interrupt. But could we get a move on, please? Some of us have a real play to rehearse for in the morning!
Quince: I trust, kind sir, you're not suggesting this is anything but the real thing? We have put many hours into producing what you are about to see!
Theseus: So, may we see it, please?
Quince: Of course, my lord! Players! At the ready!
(Picks up a trumpet and blows it loudly, startling everyone)
(Players, who've been quietly dozing off in the corner, all jump to attention)
Quince: Meet the ill fated couple, Pyramus
(Bottom steps forward, bracing muscles)
And the lovely Thisby
(Flute ‘minces' towards Bottom; both look extremely uncomfortable with their ‘situation')
Theseus: (Aside) What an attractive couple!
Quince: (Coughing) Please!
Theseus: (Repentantly) My apologies!
Quince: (Graciously) Accepted!
Whose only way of communicating with each other is
(Snout steps forward, holding piece of painted cardboard with a hole in it)
Snout: Through me!
(Everyone looks puzzled)
Snout: (Looking at Quince) I think you may need to blow that trumpet again! This lot are either half asleep .... Or not very bright!
Hippolyta: (Indignantly) Pardon!
Snout: Oops! Beggin' your pardon, miss - I mean Mrs ..er Duchess - I mean .. oh dear, what do I mean?
Quince: Silence, man! This was the very reason I gave you a non-speaking part!
Snout: (Stuttering) But, but ...
Quince: Exactly! Just not up to the task!
Bottom: I told you you should have given me all the parts!
Lysander: (Aside) And I bet he would have taken them! What entertainment that would have been!
Theseus: (To Snout) So, very simply
Demetrius: (Aside) That shouldn't be difficult!
Theseus: What part are you playing, my man!
Snout: Ooh. Not a man at all, m' lordship! A wall!
Hermia: Now we see!
Starveling: Ah, but you don't! Not without the help of yours truly!
Helena: And you are?
Starveling: (Holding up a lantern) Why, Moonshine of course!
Everyone: Of course!
(Loud roars from Snug - Helen and Hermia both scream, mockingly)
Snug: And not forgetting me, of course!
Everyone: Of course not!
Lysander: A courser lot you'd have difficulty meeting anywhere!
Snug: But don't be afraid, ladies! I'm not really a lion!
Helen and Hermia: (Together, sarcastically) Really?!
(Snug roars again, and then has a coughing fit)
Snug: (Recovering) Oh, I know I'm convincing! But I'm really quite harmless, when you get to know me!
Hippolyta: (Sarcastically) Well, that's a relief!
Theseus: So, to continue ....