Our School's Got Talent Leavers' Assembly
This assembly follows certain parallels with that t.v. favourite, Britain's Got Talent, but its unlikely the show would have done quite as well for Simon Cowell if it had had to contend with this particular set of judges!
Cast size: 15 to 90 (Adjustments up explained in Production Notes)
Duration: Around 20-30 minutes (to up to an hour – see Production Notes)
Panel of Judges Judge 1 from School Council (law court judge)
Judge 2 from School Council (law court judge)
Judge 3 –Teacher (alias ‘female celebrity’)
Judge 4 –Teacher (alias Simon Cowell)
Presenters: Rant (Ant)
Contestants: Siley (Miley Cyrus)
Ms. Melody (Gloria Gaynor)
Malice (Alice Cooper)
Mr. Fay or Fayonce (Beyonce)
Dance Group – Teachers and Students
Heck: And so to our next contestant.
(Year 6 boy, Malice, Alice Cooper lookalike, strides on; loud cheers from Judges 1 and 2; Judges 3 and 4 cross their arms and look on unimpressed)
Rant: Ah! From Year 6, a male contestant, at last!
Malice: (Uncoiling ‘cobra’ from around his neck) That’s right! Malice is the name, and malice is my game!
Heck: (Aside) Oh heck! This one looks like trouble!
Rant: (Aside) A real mean dude!
(To Malice) Take it away, Malice!
Music 5 Alice Cooper – School’s Out
(Standing ovation at the end of ‘outrageous’ performance)
Rant: (Applauding) Wow! That was some performance, Malice!
Judge 1: Sure was! A definite Yes from me!
Judge 2: Oh Yes! School’s definitely out for that one!
(Judges 3 and 4 both hold up red crosses, shaking their heads)
Judge 3: A definite No from me!
Judge 4: A definite No from me too!
Rant and Heck: (Together) What?
Rant: You cannot be serious!
Heck: This guy was amazing!
Judge 3: Disgusting, more like!
Judge 4: Totally inappropriate for ….. Primary School!
(Head Teacher stands up)
Head Teacher: (Coughing) I have to say, that was just a little shocking! Please remember I am answerable to all those parents out there.
Rant: (Dismissively) Ah sit down. What a kill joy!
Heck: But we are in school, remember, Rant! These are just children.
(Judges 3 and 4 smiling smugly whilst Judges 1 and 2 look on furiously)
Rant: OK! OK!
(Rant leads Malice off stage, arm over his shoulder consolingly)
Rant: Sorry, Malice. Another day, another gig me thinks!
Heck: Next contestant, please!
(Male teacher, Mr. Fay alias Fayonce, dressed up as Beyonce, struts on; loud cheers from Judges 3 and 4; Judges 1 and 2 cross their arms and look on unimpressed)
Heck: (Hesitantly) Er, em, you would be?
Fayonce: The name’s Fayonce! (Winking at Judge 3 and 4) Mr. Fay, head of Art, in another life!
Rant: And you are going to do what today?
Fayonce: Oh just a little something! You just watch and see!
Rant: (Aside, sarcastically) I can’t wait!
Heck: (Aside) What were we just saying about ‘inappropriate’?
Rant: Take it away, Fayonce!
Music 6 Beyonce – Crazy in Love
(See Production notes for ‘performance tips’)
Heck: (Struggling for words) That was …. Very interesting!
Rant: Can’t say I’ve ever seen anything quite like it!
Judge 3: (Gushing) Wonderful! Wonderful! A definite Yes from me!
Judge 4: No question! What a star! That’s a Yes from me!
(Judge 1 and 2 both hold up red crosses)
Judge 1: Totally inappropriate! A definite No!
Judge 2: Mr. Fay! What came over you today! It’s just as well it’s the end of term! There’s no way I’d ever step back into that Art room again!
(Head Teacher gets to his feet again)
Head Teacher: Um, a quick word in my office, after this assembly, please, Mr. Fay!
(Sits down again, shaking his head and readjusting his glasses in disbelief)
(Rant walks over and leads protesting Mr. Fay off stage)
Heck: Oh heck! I think Mr. Fay has got some explaining to do!
(Rant returns, shaking his head)
Rant: Phew! I wouldn’t want to be in that Head Teachers Office later today! I’m guessing there’ll be one Position Vacant for Art teacher’s post, up on that notice board, real soon!
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