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An Assembly for March 1st - St. David's Day - on Wales, and who do we have waiting in the wings?
Shirley Bassey - a class act
Tom Jones (shame about the shirt)
Badfinger - vying for position with Goldfinger
The Welsh Rugby Team
plus 007, Laura Ashley models, Sound of Music nuns
And if we're talking unlikely inclusions ... Ying Tong Song?!
Yet again our hapless Narrator manages, against all the odds, to hold it together - those Tommy Cooper jokes certainly help! Oh, and then there's St. David, too, of course ...!
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Child 19: ‘Old proverbs are the children of truth'.
Narrator: And those children occasionally need a little discipline
(Pulls out a rod and flexes it) ‘Better the rod that bends than the one that breaks.'
(Children all recoil, gasping in horror)
Narrator: Now! Let's proceed! (Holding up book Under Milk Wood) Some more great Welsh culture, please!
Music 2 The Ying Tong Song - Goons
(Whole cast participating, Narrator looking on in bewilderment and despair)
Narrator: Cut! What is going on? What has this to do with Welsh culture?
Child 20: Have you never listened to The Goon Show? With our great Sir Harry Secombe as Neddie Seagoon?
Narrator: And that's culture?
Child 20: As good as it gets!
Narrator: Next! Something or somebody a bit ‘classy' I hope
Music 3 Goldfinger - Shirley Bassey
(Shirley Bassey ‘lookalike' performs part of this song)
Narrator: Wow! You can't get much classier than Dame (bowing) Shirley Bassey! Thank you for bringing your very special touch of glamour to this show! Now, how can we follow that?
Music 4 No Matter What You Are - Badfinger
(Band of four - ‘Badfinger' - perform on stage)
Narrator: And you are?
Band: (Together) Badfinger!
Narrator: Hmm. I'm thinking, Goldfinger had a little more class! (Snorting) Music from the 60's! What is this assembly coming to?
Music 5 It's Not Unusual - Tom Jones
(Tom Jones ‘lookalike' performs part of song; Narrator joins in ‘exaggerated hip movements at the side)
Narrator: Sir (bows) Tom Jones, no less! My! Am I keeping smart company today! (Aside) Shame about the frilly shirt! Next!
Music 6 Fashion - David Bowie
(Procession of ‘models' wearing Laura Ashley-type clothes, strut along ‘pretend catwalk')
Narrator: What was I saying about frilly fashion?
Child 21: Laura Ashley, that great Welsh designer
Narrator: No offence, intended! These girls look just beautiful! What a fashion icon!
Music 7 Climb every Mountain - from Sound of Music
(Two nuns singing four appropriate lines from song)
Narrator: Now you really are losing me! The Sound of Music? Wasn't that Austria?
Child 22: Well, yes. But there are lots of mountains in Wales.
Child 23: And it is our favourite movie!
Child 24: And it was after a Welshman, Sir George Everest, that the world's highest peak was named.
Narrator: What a mountaineer he must have been!
Child 24: Hardly! He was just a surveyor! It is unlikely he ever actually saw Mount Everest - let alone scaled its heady heights!
Child 25: Unlike that great RAF pilot - Roald Dahl. Perhaps better known for his great books! Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, James and the Giant Peach, the Fantastic Mr. Fox, Matilda, the Witches, BFG!
Child 26: Big Friendly Giant! Maybe he was thinking of Tommy Cooper! What a great comedian he was!
Narrator: I was wondering when we were going to get back to the jokes!
Child 26: So. A man walks into the doctor's and says "I've hurt my arm in several places." The doctor replies "Well, don't go there any more"!
Narrator: Very good. Now, getting back to our assembly ...
1. Welsh National Anthem
2. Ying Tong Song - The Goons
3. Goldfinger - Shirley Bassey
4. No Matter What You Want - Badfinger
5. It's Not Unusual - Tom Jones
6. Fashion - David Bowie
7. Climb Every Mountain - Sound of Music
8. License to Kill - Gladys Knight - Theme music to Bond movie
9. Diamonds are Forever - Shirley Bassey - Theme music to Bond movie
10. World In Unison - Theme song for Rugby World Cup
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